My Experience with Doctors ...

My experience with docotors isn't, for the most part, what I'd call glorious or even satisfactory when it comes to pancreatitis or diagnosing anything more difficult than strep throat.

I have found that unless a test of some sort slaps them in the face (wake up dumbshit it's ...) most are incompetent and remind me of a monkey trying to have sex with a football.

Now to be absolutely fair I know there are some docotors out there who are absolutely brilliant, but, I have only met and worked with two who have been what I'd call good to very good. Now I'm talking over a lifespan of almost 57 years!

If you start counting with my family physcian who treated me as a kid (I first started having symptoms at 16) I went through 14 doctors, including seven (7) ER docs to reach a diganosis.

Number 14 was one of those rare, brilliant men who are able to listen to their patient, take the symptoms mentioned, recall his medical training, arrive at a possibility that makes sense (fits the symptoms), order tests for confirmation and make a correct diagnosis.

ONE in 14.

7%

That is a sad percentage considering these people go to school for 8 years or more in order to receive their license to "practice."

Do you know what I get tired of?

I get tired of diagnosing myself or family members in order to point the damn doctor in the right direction just so my relative and I can get whatever treatment is needed to become well - or worse having to make myself well because the doctor either doesn't know how to do it or the AMA protocol doesn't fix it.

Hell I even had to diagnose my own appendicitis attack and removal and then the guy who did the surgery left a scar the size of a damn set of railroad tracks.

I was getting to the point where I thought a veternarian might be a better choice simply because they have to be skilled enough to diagnose something that can't speak the human language and tell them where, how and when it hurts.

Granted docotors have to learn an enormous amount of content and some of that stuff is simply mind boggling. In some cases I can absolutely undertsand where an incorrect diagnosis could be excused, even though a patient might die because have you ever tried to read an ECG?

Many people call them EKG but the correct abbreviation for an electrocardiogram is ECG. There is no K in the word. But ...

There are so many different heart problems that can show up on a 10 second ECG strip it is enough to make your head hurt and when looking at them, trying to see the little variances that can signify this or that is really difficult. Here's just an example of the stuff they need to know: ECG
But not everything is as complicated as reading an ECG.

There's an old saying that I think doctors have tedency to ignore and that is: If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck it probably isn't a pig. And yet ...

The doctors I've met, for the most part, will try to tell me it's a damn pig!

One of the doctors I made an appointment with to get a diagnosis was a gasteroenterologist (digestive disease specialist). He is still practicing, no one has killed him yet and so I am not going to mention a name simply because I don't want to be sued for libel or slander.

This guy, after I completely explained my sysmptoms, told me he didn't think it was anything serious because I was to young (I was diagnosed with panc at 25) and told me, without tests of any kind (he didn't even check me over), he thought I had a spasdic colon.

I immediately rose from my chair and said: "You are an idiot and we're done." And I left.

A couple years later (I had already met Dr. Langdon who diagnosed me properly and most probably saved my life) my mother became quite ill. My step father and I took her to the hospital nearest their home and guess who her attending physcian was? Yep, the idiot that told me I had a spasdic colon.

I said nothing, just listened.

My mother told him she had been suffering for years, he asked her a lot of questions, she told him her symptoms (upper right quadrant pain, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea and when these symptoms most often occurred, how bad they were etc ...

This doctor told her he thought she had giardia, back packers disease, because she had mentioned camping with me when I was younger.

Well, I happened to know the symptoms of giardia and they didn't quite fit.

Close but no cigar.

I whistled, loud.

The doc, my mother and my stepfather turned towards me and I motioned with my finger for doctor boy to follow me. I turned and exited my mom's room and stood in the hall close to the nurses station.

The doc followed me out, so did my stepfather.

I walked up to the doc, who was about 4 inches taller than me, and told him to look at me real good.

I said: "We met 2 years ago do you remember me?"

He said: "No."

"Well let me refresh your memory. I came to you sick as a dog 2 years ago. Explained my symptoms in complete detail. Symptoms that should have rang bells and do you know what you told me doc?"

"Naturally I don't remember," he said "because I don't remember you."

"Well doc you said I was to young to have something serious and you were sure I had a spasdic colon. No tests, nothing, just a song and dance, stupid diagnosis. And do you know what I really had doc? I had acute pancreatitis. I could have F**(&)% died you moron. And if you don't do some tests and find out what is really wrong with my mom I'm gonna rip your head off and shit down your neck."

The doc's eyes got big, my stepfather's jaw dropped open and the nurses at the nurses station started giggling and ...

The doc recovered and asked me: "What do you want me to do?"

I responded: "I shouldn't have to tell you what to do but if it were me I'd order an ultrasound of her gallbladder to see if it's full of infection and gallstones. But whatever you do you better be right with your next diagnosis or I will beat you to death."

Turns out my mother had several large stones and a bunch of sand. She had her gallbladder removed and felt much better.

I've never seen that dumbass doctor again.

The doctor I see now is pretty darn good. At first we had difficulty but after I gave him an attitude adjustment and told him I didn't come to see him because I was lonely and need to hear my jaws flap we made damn good progress. In fact, he is beginning to restore my faith in doctors.

So there are some really fine doctors out there but I sure have had my share of idiots.

Most don't listen, don't care and keep looking at their watch like you are very unimportant. It is no wonder they can't diagnose properly.

If you have one that can diagnose and knows what to do hang on to them because those doctors are hard to come by.

Let me know you're alive, leave a comment!